I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
