Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize