my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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