my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize