No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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