Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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