tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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