We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
