I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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