My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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