i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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