I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
