i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
