ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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