We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
