I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
