I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize