I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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