never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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