dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
