it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
