Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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