dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
