i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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