Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
