Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
