Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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