she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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