So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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