i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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