my sisters under your porch take her home
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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