You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
