remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
