Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
