i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
