Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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