I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
