U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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