I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
