The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
