a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
