he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
