It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
