i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Pooping to opera.
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