Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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