SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
