I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
