My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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