im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my being single is dangerous.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
