Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
