Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
