I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
