Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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