I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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