she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
