If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
