The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize