I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
