a search helicopter?!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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