i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You need Xanax blowdarts
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
