Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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