i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize