I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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