she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
