Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
