i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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