My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
