Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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