this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
