what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
