btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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